Today is a day to recover, the past few days have taken their toll on me.  I took my youngest daughter to the fair here in town. We looked at all of the local art exhibits and crafts. It was actually inspiring, even my daughter came home and began drawing and painting pictures that she wants me to enter for her in the fair, with her goal being a blue ribbon!  She’s very excited about getting a ribbon.  I don’t have the heart to tell her that she’ll have to wait another year. 

My oldest daughter, of course, is wondering the town of Napa somewhere. She and her new boyfriend are incognito, and I am unable to find her.  The last conversation we had was of course about her drinking and driving. She doesn’t like to be told what to do, so she left.  It’s going on two weeks since I’ve seen her.  I did speak to her three days ago, when I called her cell phone and left a message, she was kind enough to call me back to say that she was staying with the boyfriends family.  How long will it be before they grow tired of her antics, her sponging, she (I’m positive) has no money to pay them for food or lodging. And, like she has done in the past, “works” the parents into believing that her parents don’t like her, do not understand her, etc.  But what I have come to realize, she chooses these boys, based on their living situations.  They all seem to live at home, helping to care for the somewhat torn and dysfunctional families.  Instead of allowing them their own space to heal, she comments to me how she  told the mother “what our family has been through” to help that mother feel as though her life is not so awful.  The sad thing for me is that the story she tells is not the truth.  That is hurtful, it hurts me and my husband, because we can’t figure out why she feels the need to dramatize her own life, when things at home are fine.  Truly our only issues are those relating to our daughter and her addictions.  Her addiction to alcohol and to drama. 

 I have a friend who is like 25 years sober, she too is an alcoholic and has been a huge savor to me, allowing me a window into what it is my daughter is thinking, feeling, and the drama, the need to make up insanity so that she will continue to have an excuse to drink.  I can’t thank my friend enough for all of her useful support and love.  Especially when I think that it is a natural tendency for us parents to lay blame on ourselves for what our adult children choose to do with their lives.  It does help to know that I shouldn’t do that, I still find myself occasionally blaming myself, but at least I am to a point now where I can sit in stillness and even meditate on what those emotions are about, and why this life lesson is here for me at this time.

 So I found myself yesterday feeling quite ill, not sure if what from the heat exhaustion from the previous day or the unrelenting heat of the day itself?  Or just a flu bug?  Not really sure, only knowing that I was unable to get out of bed until about 1 am last night before I felt somewhat normal. The temperature had fallen to about 80 degrees, and the cool coastal breeze, all though it wasn’t much to speak of, still helped as it managed to make it’s way in through my bedroom window.  I woke up this morning feeling stiff and my back aching, but overall much better than yesterday! 

After meditating this morning, I realized that I may have been to “open” while at the county fair.  Empathy can be a great thing when I can control it, but I have learned that the more I become able to channel, control those energies that are trying so hard to speak to me, and my ability to be empathic, I have yet to control the empathic part.  When I find myself around someone who has had a bad day, I feel it. When someone has been sad or depressed I feel it…you get the picture. But I thought I was doing OK with controlling the feelings I was getting, not letting them wear me down.  But I think the day at the fair was to much, and I unfortunately did not prepare or center myself before walking into it.  So I wonder if my day of feeling like absolute crud yesterday was the recovery of taking on everyone’s issues empathically or was it just the flu? 

All I know is that today is a better day, a more positive day, a calm day, I feel more grounded today then I have in the past three days,,,,so with that being said I am going to go read a book and relax

I just want to touch on the word “thankful” today.

I am thankful for my family, my home, my friends, my health, and for the school that teaches and nurtures my children, but boy am I glad today is the last of school!~

8 weeks of not having to wake up and argue with my children! Thankful for that!!!

I’m trying my hardest right now to keep myself calm. To remain in stillness. And all I can do in this moment is ask myself one and only question, What for? All of the inspiration that I have felt for the past two weeks feels as if it has been stomped on. I’ve been working so hard. I really do not want to think that it all comes to this,,,that this is the reason I have been doing this awakening process for, the meditating, the long hours of “homework” and self realization, all my personal growth. WOW.
My oldest daughter, she 21 years of age, just walked in the front door with some story about how she saw a car near her (wasn’t sure if she said it was in front of her or behind her) any way, the BMW car hit a coyote, the same coyote that she said she had just swayed away from to avoid being the one who hit the coyote. The story was filled with all the drama details one would expect to really try a make the magnitude of her story hit home. A story to make you stop whatever else you were thinking and be shocked and stunned by the sadness of how this poor forest little critter was somehow in the wrong place at that wrong time. How from the impact to flight and flew through the air a few yards…

I began to get pulled in. I start to feel sypathy (good for me no empathy this time) I stopped, I began to hear the voice in my head stop, and there was stillness. I was calm, as if someone had turned the “You should definitely be angry button” on off. Amazing. I totally got it in that moment. I didn’t get drawn in to my daughter’s drama, and the I truly became aware.

Every page that I read in the book The New Earth, every web/podcast I saw of Echkarte Tolle and Oprah Winfrey discussing the book, every experience I have had in the past few weeks that I have applied the stillness method too…all the growth I have felt, the calmness and peace I felt in my life, the restlessness that disappeared….DAMNIT!

So I get that once you start you can’t turn back, say Echarte Tolle. But do I now start over? I’M PISSED, I’M ANGRY, HURT, DISAPOINTED, AFRAID, FEARFUL….ok, yeah, so I’m aware of it, but right now in this moment, when I should be sleeping, at 12:52 am, I want to back hand, bitch slap my daughter.

Did she think I wouldn’t notice? I realized her words were slurring, and she couldn’t look me directly in the eye. This has happened before, and after the law has been laid down, after everything I have ever said to her,,,,, about driving drunk…..DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT. How could she. I don’t know what to do right now. I told her that if she ever did it again I would never speak to her again. Ok, that may be a bit much, but she knew what I meant. I told her straight up tonight that I couldn’t believe she drove drunk. Her response to me,,,”I only had three beers”. ARE YOU FRICKEN KIDDING ME????????? Only 3 beers. One beer and I’m typsy turvy and can’t imagine taking the chance of getting behind the wheel of a car. So who do I blame, her birth father who was an addict (to everything, alcohol, drugs, sex, whatever), and pet myself on the top of the head and be a hipocrate and say well, it’s not really her fault, it’s genetic. What a joke. Or do I say she’s an alcoholic and needs to hit rock bottom before whe learns anything? Or do I play the tough love card and say to her what I really want to. Which is to stand my ground and follow through with what I said to her before,,,figure your shit out, get out of the house, sober up before you come back. I can’t stand it when your kids put you in these situations.

So for starters, I am telling her that she needs to go to an AA meeting, because she’s clearly lost perpective again of her drinking problem. And the worst and most important thing to be said, to be learned, and to be engraved in her eyelids,,,if you drink you dont’ drive because you will, it’s only an issue of when, kill or tragically wound someone else, Or yourself. Is it helping that her step dad goes out to softball the night before, puts down a few brewskies and then drives home….Great message to sent to your kids,,,I hate being the martyr but I don’t drink, maybe one drink at Christmas dinner and one on my birthday…
I hope that there aren’t to many other mothers out there that are having to go through this too. God bless!
Micha’ele

I will try to stay in the stillness in the “I am”, and look at her as part of me, part of the “I am”. I will not judge her, I love her unconditionally, and I know this is her lesson. It just hurts when it’s your own child to stand there and “Let it go, and let God”.

  Again, I have spent almost the entire day troubleshooting with my computer. I’ve been doing readings, I did several this morning and tried to write/interpret my information so that I could send it to my clients. Well, that’s when it began, during the first reading. I usually tape record my sessions so that I don’t miss anything.  As soon as I would finish a reading the tape recorder would immediately stop. Not a bad thing actually, because it kept my sessions in quite an efficient system. As soon as it finished, I was able to put in another tape and so on,,,no fussing with stopping, rewinding, etc. So that was nice.

The trouble started when I began to listen to the tapes and started to type in a word program what I recorded and things just got strange. The computer wouldn’t connect to the internet, then it would, but my website pages wouldn’t open (again), then I completely lost my monitor.  So I acknowledging spriti intervention at this point. But I am still having to work through all of this.  So my phone rang a couple of tiems, and as I would grab my phone, I coud see that the names were those of my clients.  But as I would press a button to answer the call, the call woul go straight to voice mail.  So the great news is that I was able to check my voice mail, there wasn’t anything urgent but did recieve a couple of really not messages from my previous clients thanking me and telling me how great their reading was. 

I kind of woke up this morning in a small but maneagable funk, not really sure why, but could only ponder that it had something to do with some very strange dreams that I had that night, something about snow and ice, driving and trying to keep my car on the road, then I remembered the dream I had the night before, where I was actually driving my car around the turn of a mountain side and my car stearing wheel wouldn’t move, I went off the cliff, but not tumbling, not rolling or bumping down, just straight off the edge and then floating down, quickly of course, and of course I then remembered that I had woken up prior to my ass hitting the ground.  So hence, the “funk”.

So as the day progressed, I started to “snap” out of it and chose to meditate and do some readings, that always makes me feel lighter and more happy regardless of what’s going on!

So the readings were good and I’ll be posting what i received in a minute, but I just thougth it was so funny how many crazy things happened that just wouldn’t allow the process to go smoothly. So i wonder if it’s Spirit’s way of just playing, communicating or trying to prevent me from communicating to my client via email.  I always feel such a stronger connection when I do my readings in person, but I have consciously chosen to do most of them recently by email, because being empathic, the one-on-one readings got so intense. I had a few were it felt as though my heart was pounding so fast I thought my heart would explode, my arms would ache, or whatever, I just really took on whatever illness/pain the Spirit was trying to show me…

As many of you know I have suffered from Fibromyalgia for many years, and have found that when I’m not careful with the readings, and if I take on to many of the empathic qualities of my readings that it really wipes me out, it takes me days to recover from it. So I’ve made the decision to go the email root until things calm down and I can work out some communication issues with my guides.  The vibrations they send can’t be quite intense.

Well, it’s late, and I’m fricken tired of trying to make my desktop function, so maybe tomorrow,,,so I’m signing off from my good old lap…top….

Hugs, light and love to all

Namaste,

Micha’ele

I’m feeling torn. There’s a small part of me that feels irritated, only because I don’t want to have to clean it up. But the rest of me is feeling a bit in awe of what I saw on my porch this morning. I walked outside, and had a swallow dive and dip at my head. It scared me a bit, having seen the movie birds, my first reaction was that I was being attacked. Then I realized in was only one bird. As it flew in circles above my head a few times, I realized it was trying to get my attention, if not scare me away. So the small creature did it’s job, it did scare me a bit, but didn’t scare me away. Actually, it brought me in closure for a view when I saw that it was protecting a nest.

Well, I now have a sweet little birds nest nestled in my copper flower basket hanging on my front door.

Click on link to view the nest…
Swallows nest in my copper flower basket

So you can see my dilemma. If anyone has ever had birds nest near or on their home, you know how messy

So I’ve been practicing my “channeling abilities”. I have met two new guides now. It’s been an incredible feeling and experience. I highly recommend the book Opening to Channel, How to Connect With Your Guide by Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer. I’ve have been communicating with my guide Ariel since I was about 21. And thankfully she is still here with me. I actually think she’s been with me since I was a baby, since I had vivid memories of her as a child. Very angelic like, with flowing white robes, similar to that of a high priestess, and her presence felt like that of an angel floating on a light beam. The other night, when I started working on meeting my guides, I began to remember specific events from my childhood.

One day in particular, that I can’t forget because it was so terrifying, I must have been about 5, maybe 6 years of age. My mom took me to church one Sunday. The Open Hand Christian church I believe is what it was called. From the outside it felt medieval, big wooden doors adorned the front of the church with the big rot iron door handles and bolts. But I have to say, the inside felt even more dark. I remember things were covered with red velvet. I remember sitting in the third pew back from the front. The pastor was speaking of the devil, and to fear God. He was yelling it! How awful I thought. I remember hearing a voice even then, a comforting voice telling me not to worry, that the man was only speaking of what he new, and out of fear, and that there was no such thing as the devil, only evil, which was the absence of God and Light, the higher self, the light within our hearts. I told my mom that I didn’t want to go back, so we didn’t.

And that was that. I told my mom what I had heard, what my “angel” told me. And I can’t remember my mother ever taking me to church again. I think she probably thought it frightened me. Or that I was crazy. But I felt more of a sense that it was fake and made up rather than something to be feared. I remember telling myself at that age that God is good, he wouldn’t create something so bad. He gives us choices and it’s up to us to decide what it is that we want to do with it from there…

So here I am, feeling really happy and lucky, with Ariel still by my side, and now Connie, I think that’s what her name is. There is an Irish accent and a sense that she comes from a strong Celtic or Welsh knowing…I can’t find the right word to use besides “knowing”, it just seems right. And she has a wonderful light sense of humor, and seems very wise. To the point. Similar to Ariel. But more helpful, or more available? I get the feeling she is here for me for different reasons.

There is another guide, I think is a masculine energy but I still haven’t gotten to much on him yet, still he seems quiet.

My lesson in all of this has been my truth. I’ve known my whole life what I believe. It hasn’t wavered. I remember seeing faces and shadows when I was a kid, I felt things happening to me that weren’t, (like when my dad had a heartattack, I felt it) I knew that it happened or was happening to someone else. I would tell my mom, and she would say I was just having a bad dream. Funny how she now asks me if my Grandma is around and to do readings for her, she’s particulary fond of the tarot…

Warm wishes and laughter to all…

Good night.

Namaste

M

so I’m now a true believer in spirit intervention. It’s funny I read a blog on Lisa Williams blog and I laughed out loud. She was talking about the same thing. I couldn’t believe it. I’ve been trying to set up a computer that I used to use at my salon (that I closed about three weeks ago, thank goodness). Anyway, I’m trying to set it up so that I can start working on my website/blog and Reiki manual. I begin to open a yahoo website, and blam, nothing opens and I’m getting error messages that say that I’ve got some type of error in my “lookup file”. So then I download aol, I open it up and the page is white! Nothing shows up, so I’ve been working on it for three hours everyday for the past week, and I it all seems like wasted time. I’d tried something strange, as I heard it from my guides and I did it, I did a system restore to a month ago, I have no idea why, just doing what I’m told. Sure enough it worked! So here I am blogging away! Yeah!

I just got an email from Ruth Finley Person – Wells Fargo Center for the Arts, Santa Rosa, CA. Asking me to help them promote Lisa Williams Medium & Clairvoyant, her show on July 23rd. Amazing! I have no connection to them what so ever, and now all of the sudden I’m putting my mentor on my website to help advertise in this area for tickets to her show. OMG!

HUGS TO ALL AND HAVE A BLESSED DAY!

MICHA’ELE

First I want to apologize for not writing anything about our Easter weekend at the beach as I had promised. I’m still trying to get my thoughts around it. Not because there were any issues with the family’s that went, in fact that was great, but with my own issues around my own family. I have a 21 year old daughter, a 15 year old son and a 5 year old daughter, so needless to say, I was hoping for a glorious family “thing”, and instead I got cranky kids and a husband who wasn’t really in it…so I write about that more later when I’m not feeling so frustrated about it and can truly get the lesson in it. So I’m going to move onto the next lesson that I am getting and am also still trying to figure out.

So here’s my thing recently, I have noticed some major changes in my life, in my self over the past couple of weeks. It’s the everyday miracles that I have begun to notice the most intensely. When I am alone I can sense the littlest things in my life and how amazing it all seems. The problem I am having isn’t with meditation or mindfulness when I am alone. Noticing the flowers, the birds chirping in the trees (at 2am in the morning) seems so amazing.

O.K., the predicament I seem to be in at this moment seems to be that when I am surrounded by family and friends, and how caught up in their negativity they seem to be, I can seem to control my empathic abilities. I begin to feel the negative energy consume me. I have meditated on this today, and I began to sob for an hour. I know I cannot change them. I read Echkarte Tolle’s book last week about A New Earth, and I can’t believe how it resonated with me, I saw myself in every page. But how do I block the negativity of being an empathic person. How to I stop the absorption of this toxic substance from each person I seem to share my life with.

I will continue to meditate on this until I can find some resolution. I look at the photos like the one I posted and brings me back to a moment when I was oblivious to it all. Awwhh,,,the old days….

Warm wishes and loved filled blessings to everyone. and a wish for all my friends and family that I may consciously give each of you a drop of freshness and light and love into each of your beings to help you in your change, in your growth and your paths to enlightment.

Namaste
Micha’eleMy Angels on Earth

Entry for April 4, 2008

The last few days have been so awesome! I closed my salon and day spa the end of March. I feel as though a 100 pound weight has been literally lifted off of my shoulders.

So I want to set the record straight…there have been many “reasons” that folks have come up with as to why we chose to close our salon. And actually there are several, I feel that it is necessary to share them.

First and foremost, we have been dealing with a mean and nasty landlord and his wife. With threats of eviction, rent hikes and bitter phone calls and letters, it has come time for us to say goodbye, and say enough is enough.

I do believe that everything happens for reasons as well, I have been wanting (subconsciously I think) to vier away from the salon industry and focus on healing, and not just doing Reiki for others, but to heal myself. I have been fighting an “invisible” disorder called Fibromyalgia. And with the stress of the salon, it has gotten terribly worse over the past few months. I’ve realized that it’s time to settle down and start taking of what is truly important, making myself well and helping those that need help as well.

Lastly, regarding the salon, it’s safe to say that the beauty industry has it’s demons. It takes a special type of person to truly be a good stylist and not fall victim to the “me, yes it’s all about me” syndrome. It’s incredibly painful to watch. There are only a few people that I have had the opportunity of working with who are truly in it for the shear desire to express themselves through creating beauty and enjoy the relationships that can develop with a client/stylist relationship.

Lastly, I have found that I struggled with just being me…in that environment. I felt as though I needed to be “on” 100% of the time. There is a spiritual side and truly deep caring side to my personality that unfortunately in that business it is not safe to share that. The beauty industry is about ego,,,and frankly,,,I’m in a place in my life right now where it is so important for me to work on the inner-workings of our souls, communication with spirit and helping others heal that I find comfort and true blessings in, it is with bountiful blessings that I find myself being drawn down this path, it is a journey and I am looking forward to sharing it with those of54664.jpgyou are interested in sharing it with me.

I would like to wish you all a day and a life filled with laughter, light and love!

Namaste!

Micha’ele
Friday April 4, 2008 – 10:11pm (PST) Edit | Delete | Comments: 0

Entry for March 19, 2008

I want to wish all of you a blessed and joyful Vernal Equinox, Purim, Good Friday, Happy Spring, and a colorful and fun Easter Sunday!

Enjoy your friends, enjoy your family… Tell them you love them because you can, not because you have to!

Hugs, Light and Love to all!

Micha’ele

Sorry this is so short and sticky sweet, but I have been crazy buzy the past couple of weeks, and I promise I will write more later, possibly tomorrow. Our family is camping with seven other families this holiday weekend at Dillon Beach in Tomales. It’s beautiful there, but the story won’t be about the ocean, I promise, it will be about the dynamics of seven wonderful, yet crazy families, just trying to get along! I adore them all! Here’s a pic included from the last trip, where my youngest tripped and fell in the ocean head first, and decides to pack every orafice with sand!

Wednesday March 19, 2008 – 11:54pm (PST) Edit | Delete | Comments: 0